When Hope is Lost
by Minka Elgrim
Summary: They were able to reclaim their lost land, but it cost them a dear friend. How will his death affect Levi and Mikasa?
1. Chapter 1

It'd been three days since the incident and Levi still hadn't left his room, really no one from the Special Operation Squad had left their headquarters. For them it was still too soon, how could they celebrate when so many of their comrades had been slain? That didn't stop the citizens from celebrating though. Levi could hear their cheers and cries of joy and he felt an insufferable wave of sadness wash over him as they cheered for their heroes. He sat miserably at the edge of his bed with his elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands. He had managed to pull off his blood stained jacket and shirt before he collapsed on his bed after the battle and now as he sat there studying his lap he finally noticed he had neglected to change out of his blood stained pants. The man carefully stood and groaned as he realized how sore he was and just as he began to stretch he heard the citizen's cheers. They were cheering for Eren, he was their hope… their hero. Eren's name echoed in Levi's mind and all he could see was the boy's face as the room began to spin causing him to sit back down. "Eren… What have I done?" He said to himself as a sob racked his body.

The war with the Titan's was far from over, but three days earlier the Survey Corps manages to retake their territory behind the walls and then a little more outside the walls. The victory wouldn't have been possible without Eren, but he made the ultimate sacrifice and his absents was hanging heavily on his comrades.

Mikasa left her room and began to wander aimlessly. Everyone was celebrating and their joyful cheers were driving her insane. How could they be so happy when he was dead? Do they not understand what he did for them? As these thoughts whirled around her mind she pulled her red scarf and gave a sad smile as she thought of how Eren had given it to her. She stopped for a moment as she remembered him. She shivered as she heard the pain in his voice as he pleaded with Levi to keep his promise. She saw the man hesitate as grief seemed to darken his expression… He was probably the only person here that understood the pain she was feeling. Without knowing it she found herself outside of Levi's door as more tears began to blur her vision.

There was a small knock on his door that caused Levi to jump as he scrambled to pull himself together. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before he told whoever was at the door to enter. The door opened slowly and when he looked up Levi was surprised to see Mikasa standing in the doorway. "Are you alright?" He croaked as the girls widened in surprise. He had expected her to yell at him, to tell him how much she hated him, but what she did instead rendered the Captain nearly speechless. She crossed the room and kneeled before him grabbing both of his hands in hers. "I'm sorry…" he said softly as he looked down at her. Levi felt warm tears begin to streak down his face as the young girl looked up and finally met his eyes. She had tears streaming down her face. For the first time since he's known her Mikasa looked afraid and lost so the Captain tightened his grip on her hands. "I miss him so much!" She sobbed as she lept up and wrapped her arms around his neck. She had moved with such force that Levi had lost his balance and fell back onto the bed as the young girl cried into his shoulder.

Levi laid there for an awkward moment unsure what to do. He'd never seen Mikasa show so much emotion, so he decided to wrap his arms around her to try and hold the girl together while she broke. He kept one arm wrapped around her waist as he reached up and wiped his own tears away. "I know… I miss him too." He said sadly. The two stayed like that until they cried themselves to sleep, but Levi found his dreams to almost be worse than reality.

_Everything seemed to be going smoothly. They had just taken back Wall Maria when Eren began to push forward through the gate. Levi trusted his judgment and his team began to push forward with Eren, that's when he heard it. "Eren! What are you doing?" She screamed. He looked up from the titan he just killed to see Eren trying to grab for Mikasa. "Mikasa get out of there!" He ordered, but the stubborn girl ignored his request. "Eren! Calm down it's me!" She pleaded as he studied her. There seemed to be some sort of recognition as Eren stared at the girl and as she let her guard down he grabbed her and began to tighten his grip on her. _

"_Let her go you moron!" He roared as he cut through his fingers and Mikasa fell to the ground. He sailed through the air and easily looped around so that he was behind Eren and then cut through the flesh on his neck to expose an exhausted looking Eren. The boy looked up at his Captain with tired green eyes. "Do it Levi… please! You promised!" The boy pleaded as Levi landed next to him. "Eren…" he pleaded, but the boy's mind was made up. "You promised Levi!" He growled as Levi looked at Eren and then to his swords. He looked over at the girl who was watching him with tear filled eyes and then he ended his friend's life. _

Levi awoke in a panic, but Mikasa was still laying on him, so it made it hard to move. He studied the girl for a brief moment and then he looked up at the window which had light pouring through it. It was close to midday and he had been in the same blood soaked pants for going on 4 days now and the thought disgusted him to no end… he need to go get cleaned up. He carefully scooted out from under Mikasa and the put a pillow under her head and covered her with a blanket and then left to get cleaned up.

**A/N This is my first shot at writing a fic for an anime and AoT is one of my favorites! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Hey everyone I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think with a review! :D**

Levi felt much better after he cleaned himself up. He had just gotten back to his room and pulled on fresh pants and a new shirt when Mikasa began to stir. Levi studied the girl while he buttoned up his shirt. She was clutching his pillow tightly to her chest and her face had contorted into a grimace, she was having a nightmare. "Please don't…" She whimpered. "Mikasa?" Levi began. "I can't move! Mother no!" She cried as she curled up into a tight ball. Levi moved to the edge of the bed and sat down. "It's ok Mikasa." He said quietly as he laid his hand on her shoulder. The girl jolted awake. "Eren?" She said with a sleepy look in her eyes. Her sleepy look quickly turned into tears as she realized it was Levi next to her. "Go back to sleep Mikasa." Levi said softly as the girl got comfortable again and began to close her eyes.

Once she was asleep Levi stood and grabbed his towel and began to dry his hair and that's when there was a light knock on his door. "Now what?" He groaned as he went to open the door. "What is it?" Levi asked as he looked up at Jean. "Well sir… Erwin is here and he asked me to bring you to him." Jean said nervously. "Tell him I'll be right there." Levi said as he threw his towel into his laundry bin. He looked up to see Jean still standing awkwardly in his door way. "Can I help you with anything else?" He asked letting his annoyance color his tone. "Have you seen Mikasa today? I went to her room to bring her food and she wasn't there…" The boy said as his face creased with worry. "She's in here." Levi said as he opened the door wider so Jean could see the girl lying in his bed. Levi gave a devilish smirk as he walked past the boy and shut his door. "Are you taking me to Erwin or are you going to keep staring like a moron at my door?" Levi asked sharply causing Jean to blush. "Right… this way." Jean stammered.

Levi found his old friend sitting by himself in the dining hall. "So what brings you here Commander?" Levi asked as he sat down. "There is going to be a processional tomorrow…. The Survey Corps has been asked to lead it. They want us to lead the people back into Maria." Erwin explained. "Do we have to go?" Levi asked as he looked around at the empty room. "I don't think my squad is up for any festivities." He said meeting the Commanders icy gaze. "Yes you have to go… Your squad played the biggest part in this mission and everyone knows that." "I still don't think we're in a mood to celebrate Commander." "You weren't the only one who lost good men for humanities cause!" Erwin growled. Levi studied his friend for a moment and then sighed. "You have a point Erwin, but don't expect us to be all happy tomorrow." Levi said as he stood to leave.

"Levi wait… there's one more thing." Erwin said causing his friend to sit back down. "What?" Levi growled. "I want your squad to go to Eren's house." Erwin said as he handed Levi a familiar golden key. "Where did you get this?" Levi asked coldly. "I took it from Eren's body before he was taken away." Erwin said quietly. Levi studied the key for a long moment and then looked back up at his Commander. "Alright… anything else?" He asked. "I'm sorry for your squad's loss Levi… Eren will be greatly missed." Erwin said as he stood to go.

Levi pocketed the key and then went to find Jean. "Get everyone up. Tell them to come to the dining hall" Levi told the boy who nodded and quickly set to work. Levi went back to his room to see that Mikasa hadn't moved. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook the girl awake. "Captain?" She asked softly as he eyes focused on him. "It's time to get something to eat Mikasa. Everyone's meeting in the dining hall." "What's going on Captain?" She asked as he made his way to the door. "We have a mission tomorrow and I'm going to need your help." He said as he left.

Mikasa rolled over and stared at the ceiling for a moment. What was she thinking? Why had her grief made her seek out Levi? She shrugged as she got up and stretched. She did have to admit though, that was the best sleep she'd had since Eren had died. She stretched as she fought back thoughts of Eren. She was tired of crying, and that's when she heard his voice echoing in her mind. "_If you win you live. If you lose you die. If you don't fight you can't win."_ As his words echoed in her mind she realized she had to fight or she wouldn't survive. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she opened the door to Levi's room and made her way to the dining hall.

She was one of the last people there and she smiled as Armin walked up to her and gave her shoulder a squeeze. "How are you?" He asked with a sad smile. "I've been better I guess." She said meeting the boys blue eyes. She looked up from Armin to see Jean was giving her the weirdest look. "Do you know why he's staring at me like that Armin?" Makasa asked and the boy shrugged and that's when Levi walked in. "Ok everyone… I know it's a little soon, but we have a mission to do tomorrow." He said as he held up a golden key that was all too familiar. "Is that?" She began and Armin nodded. "The key to the basement." He said in disbelief.


	3. Chapter 3

Levi took in the tired faces of his squad. "We have to figure out what's in the basement of Eren's house. Mikasa! Armin! Do you two remember the way?" He asked as he met each of their gazes. "Yes sir." They answered. "They're having another celebration tomorrow and they want us to lead the way to Maria. Once we're there we can search for his house." The squad nodded in agreement. "So everyone get cleaned up! I won't have my squad go to a celebration in bloody clothes." Levi said with a hint of a smile as everyone groaned their reply.

Mikasa watched as everyone began to disperse. "Captian!" She called as he made her way to him. He looked up already knowing what she was going to ask. "The Commander brought me the key this morning." He watched as the girl stared at the key with a small smile. "Will you hold onto this for me? I trust you won't loose it." He said as the girls face lit up. "Yes Captian!" "Would you like to get something to eat?" She asked as she clutched the key to her chest. "Lunch sounds nice." He said as they turned to go towards the kitchen.

He sat watching Mikasa prepare a meal for them. He tried to help her cook, but she only shooed him away. "I can chop that for you if you want." The Captian insisted. Mikasa only smiled. "This is my thank you… I hadn't been able to sleep until last night and then you're letting me hold onto Erens key…" She said with a smile as she fiddled with the key around her neck. That was only half of the truth, though she would never tell Levi, his cooking was terrible and he was just slowing down the process. "Fine then I'll wash the dishes when you're done." He said as he watched her. This is the first time in a long time someone had actually made dinner for him, instead of eating what the other squad members did.

Mikasa set the finished plates in front of Levi and where she would be sitting. "This looks amazing. Thank you." The man said as he looked at his plate excitedly. "Can I ask you a question?" She said quietly as the Captian dug in. "This tastes fantastic!" He exclaimed as his eyes went wide. Mikasa could only smile. The Captian didn't show much emotion besides being bored or annoyed, so her cooking getting this kind of response made her happy. "What's your question?" He asked as he turned his attention from the food to the girl next to him. "When… When did Eren ask you to make that promise?" She asked as sadness darkened her features.

Levi sighed. He knew this question was coming, and the girl would probably hate him for his answer, but she deserved to know the truth. He sat back and studied Mikasa. "He asked me shortly after he joined the Scouting Legion." "That long ago?" She asked letting her shock color her tone. "He felt himself slipping… Every time he shifted into his titian form he would lose a little bit of himself… He was completely exhausted." Levi explained with a grim look on his face. He was bracing himself for her to argue, to yell at him, to do anything except what she actually did. Mikasa reached over and grabbed his hand. "Thank you… I know I would never be able to fulfill a promise to him like that…" She said softly as he strained to hear her words. "You've been bearing this burden all by yourself, for all these years… I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger." She said as a wave a tears crashed over her. The Captain gave her hand a squeeze.

Mikasa laid in bed that night and tossed and turned. Levi had comforted her last night and today when they ate lunch. He made the void Eren had left not as cold, but now that she's alone with only her thoughts she couldn't stop the overwhelming sadness that washed over her. She wrapped her arms around herself to try and hold herself together, but no matter what she tried the emptiness was still there. After hours or tossing and turning she untangled herself from the blankets and began to wander around the quiet building.

Levi sat on his bed with a heavy sigh. He had finished straitening up his room, but he still wasn't tired. He changed into a pair of pajama pants and threw his clothes at the laundry basket. He laid on top of his covers and stared at the ceiling hoping that sleep would find him. There was a light knock at the door and he quickly sat up and went to answer it. He opened the door to see Mikasa standing there looking exhausted. She walked in without him saying a word. He shut the door and turned to the girl. "I'm sorry… I couldn't sleep… I don't even know why I'm here…" "I couldn't sleep either." He said interrupting her stammering. "Do you want to talk until we fall asleep?" He offered as he laid down on the bed. She nodded and laid next to him. After a few hours of talking about when she was a child with Eren and Armin, Mikasa fell asleep. She was curled up with her back to him. He rolled over and sleep quickly found him.

**A/N Sorry about the delay in posting! I hope you enjoy the update! Let me know what you think!**


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